"How did not getting a cake turn into a full fledged project of building a Captain America Shield?", my husband inquired as he and Jack walked into the dark garage to go pick up some supplies.

When you have a child with allergies, you have to get creative when it comes to doing a reward system. It's hard to watch your child, feeling left out while others are enjoying a treat that they once enjoyed themselves but can no longer have. 

"Food rewards" aren't really an option. I can tell you from personal experience, it's not as easy as you might think. I always wanted to try to find options for Jack so that he didn't feel left out, but sometimes, he still would. He would feel like that kid that had to have the "special boring" snack.

Most people who don't have someone in their immediate family with food allergies, don't understand what goes into making sure there isn't a particular ingredient that would harm their sweet little boy. I have made my own mistakes along the way, being a new mom to this whole "food allergy" world. No one is perfect.

In a perfect world, everyone would be considerate of allergies in every social situation. In the real world, that's not even feasible because truth be told, there are so many different allergies out there and most people just don't understand them. Before Jack was diagnosed, I can tell you that I sure the heck didn't. It's not that people are trying to be mean or inconsiderate - It legitimately doesn't even cross their minds. It's not something they deal with everyday. ( So all the haters - So cut them some slack.)

When you are in the comforts of your own home, you can make the mistake of thinking that you have this whole thing figured out. You can stock your cabinets with only foods that your child can have. You can commit as a family that you will only eat foods that your child can have so they don't feel left out. But the truth is, when you are not in that environment and you aren't there, your child is going to have to face those challenges and disappointments. You can't think of everything all the time. They are at one point or another going to feel like they are being left out.

There are going to be those times that you are at a birthday party or another social gathering - serving foods that your child may love, but they can't have. This passed week, I kept asking Jack if he was excited for his friend's birthday party at an indoor play area. I asked him if he was excited to play with his friends outside of school. He shrugged his shoulders and said, " I don't really feel like going. I think I'm just going to stay home." When I asked him "Why Not?", he responded back with, " I am okay, Mom. It's not like I could eat the cake, pizza or other food anyways." Guys, My 6 year old, social butterfly of a son, was reclusing inward because he felt like, " he didn't fit in anymore" because of something that is completely out of his control. He had convinced himself that he wouldn't have a good time and would be left out.

(Pause while my heart breaks for him.)

I knew that we would be attending a family party that very same night for my mother in law. I knew that there were going to be foods there that he wouldn't be able to have. Before even going, I had already looked up the menu online. Truth be told, there weren't a lot of options for him at the Italian Restaurant. Especially since he was trying to eliminate all gluten. 

We decided that we would order the steak with a side salad and broccoli on the side. Yea, every six year old's dream to have a side of broccoli, am I right? I know, First World Problems. No need to blow up the comments with messages about "oh poor little guy had to eat a juicy steak, how horrible.." yada yada yada.  But this is a six year old that we are talking about.  One who used to LOVE pasta. Why not get him potatoes, then? Well, funny story - he's allergic to those too.

The night came and he ate all of his food - not one single complaint. Not a single inquiry of why he was not able to order pasta. Then it happened, the temptation of one little crouton on a plate beside him got the best of him. He decided to indulge when I wasn't looking and learned the hard way. Within minutes, he was having stomach pains and was rushing to the restroom 2-3 different times. Before we left the restroom the third time, he turned to me and said, "Mom, I probably can't have the cake either, can I?" The disappointment read all over his face - I looked down, frowned, shook my head, crying on the inside for him, and said, "Sorry bud. You probably shouldn't have it. I know it's hard bud." He put his head down as he finished drying off his hands, exited out the door towards his seat. We arrived just in time to watch them cut the cake and then pass it out. Knowing how hard it was for him, I told him we would go get him some frozen yogurt afterwards. I told him I wasn't going to eat any cake either. 

I watched as his eyes went back and forth, looking at each person that was eating cake. (Note: I'm not writing this to shame or make anyone feel badly, this is just to give insight into the situation.) I asked him if it would be easier for him if we just waited outside for everyone. He said, " No Mom, it's okay."

My mother in law must have seen the disappointment on his face because she offered him a piece of gum instead - that we also had to turn down because, well, being allergic to preservatives and dyes suck!

I decided to get my phone out in hopes that scrolling through Pinterest might help him not think about the cake. Right about then, the cake was sat down right in front of him. I could tell that it was all that he could do not to look at it. Not to stick his little finger out just to get a little taste of cream cheese frosting. I told him I had an amazing idea and asked him if he wanted to walk outside with me so we could talk about it. I asked him if he would like to look for a fun project that we could make together. He suggested something Marvel since his  current love of Captain America and Iron Man ran deep. We decided to scroll through Pinterest.One of the photographs caught his interest and his eyes lit up. I could see the excitement growing inside of him. We left not too long after that. 

Kirk, being the Super Hero dad that he is, decided to drop me and the other kids off at the house so he and Jack could go on their special adventure. They planned out their project and what all they would need before heading out the door. He even sent me this adorable selfie of them getting frozen yogurt before grabbing the supplies.

(Photo Here)

Guys, anyone that tells you that having a child with food allergies is "easy" is lying. There are so many things that happen behind the scenes that no one will ever know. If you aren't looking, you could miss out on all the inside struggles your child is going through.

Sometimes you have to do some extra work. You have to get creative and think outside of the box. As Jack's parents, we never wanted him to feel like this was "HIS Allergy". We never want to single him out. That makes him feel alone in this journey.  I never want my son to think he is alone to deal with any issue that he faces, whether now or in the future. I will always be an advocate for him. Standing there, Letting him know that we support him 110 percent of the time. I will gladly miss out on what ever he needs me to, so that he knows that his family is right here beside him and he is not and will never be alone. 

So how is that " missing out on cake turned into a project...:"

Sometimes, some of peoples best work is done in a moment of frustration, confusion, etc.We love him unconditionally and want to be there when he needs someone to lean on when he needs an outlet. Building has always been an outlet for him. So, with that being said, we plan to keep building whenever and whatever he needs help with.

I love you, Jack!