Yes, when you go to the Allergist, they will tell you everything you want to know about allergies and how they affect your body... But there are a few things that they won't tell you.
1. They don't tell you that you will repeatedly have to tell your child sorry.
I can not tell you the amount of times that I have told Jack, "Sorry Bud..." since finding out about his allergies. He just replies back with, " It's okay, Mom." I know that it's not my fault but I can't help but feel so very sorry for him. I hate it when he feels left out. I never wanted anything like that for my children.
2. They don't tell you how often your child will cry because something they once loved they can't have anymore.
Seriously, this is the most heartbreaking thing. You can find other alternatives but they are never the same, I promise.
3. They won't tell you that you will end up being the bad guy in every situation of you telling them they can't have something.
Yes, in the heat of the moment, Jack has told me that sometimes he wishes I was dead because Daddy would give him anything that he wanted if he just asked for it. The truth behind this is, His Dad would do everything in his power to keep him safe and healthy. But You have to remember, your child is hurting... sometimes it makes them feel better if they aren't the only one hurting. I'm not going to lie, sometimes these words sting a little in the moment... but he doesn't mean them. He usually apologizes afterwards.
4. They don't tell you that most people just really don't care that your child has an allergy if it doesn't directly effect them.
In a Perfect world, everyone would be more understanding and would be interested and proactive in finding out what your little one is and is not allergic to. They would make special meals/treats because they know that your little one will be there and won't want them to feel left out. They would care a little more about their feelings. But the truth is.... That is unrealistic.
Until you have an immediate family member that you are constantly taking care of, and having to make sure they don't break out in hives or anaphylaxis due to something they ate, honestly you just won't get it. I mean, I don't think that I really got it until Jack was diagnosed. Not that I would ever want anyone to feel left out, because that was not the case at all.... I just didn't think about it. I was ignorant when it came to things like that because I just didn't know. I had no knowledge whatsoever... I wasn't trying to purposefully be an asshole. I just didn't think about it.
5. They don't tell you that you will have to watch your child with their internal struggles while they watch people around you eating foods they wish they could have. They also don't tell you that your child will always feel left out or that they will have to go without in some situations.
I have had numerous times, where I have had to pick up the slack in so many situations. I'm not complaining because that is my job as his parent... And I'm not judging.. I think that a lot of times people don't think about it. I hate to use the term "self centered" but aren't we all a little self centered at times. The truth is, I can't tell you the amount of times that someone has made something or brought something that Jack can't have to a family event or birthday party. Stuff that he absolutely loved before.... And it's torture for him... which leads me to the next point...
6. They won't tell you that your child will be embarrassed every time you tell them they can't have something in front of anyone.
They won't tell you that it will take a toll on both of you. Because both of you just want him to feel normal. They don't tell you that they will grow up way to fast because of it. They won't be able to enjoy that carefree life that so many children do.
7. They don't tell you that your child will start to withdraw from social outings because they " can't have the food anyways..."
When you are allergic to foods, especially with the list that Jack was given, It can be extremely overwhelming. When we first started eliminating foods, he felt like there was nothing good that he could eat. He would get invited to birthday parties and would tell me he didn't want to do. He wouldn't want to go to family get togethers. I tried to help in ways that I could, buying him a substitute for cupcakes and other goodies that would be at parties... But it just wasn't the same... They didn't have the colorful frostings and things like the other ones did... You could put a toy on top but it was still "different".
8. They don't tell you that it is a learning curve. You will definitely mess up a few times. You may accidentally promise something and then realize that it has one of the ingredients he is allergic to in it and immediately take it away.
I learned this the hard way when on Mother's Day, we went out to eat at Outback Steak House. I felt like we were doing really good. We ordered Jack a steak cooked in butter, steamed veggies and a salad. He was on Cloud 9 when he discovered we had found something he could have. When dessert time came around, we decided to go get ice cream from the store afterwards. News Flash!!! Most ice creams (besides Tillamook - which we learned afterwards) contain High Fructose Corn Syrup. Yea, so Jack cried and cried for a long time. That was when we found out that he could have Frozen Yogurt from Yogurtland. He was on cloud 9 again.... But there is definitely a learning curve there...
You are going to have those tough times that the Allergist won't tell you about. I highly recommend connecting with some other moms on Facebook who have children with allergies. It was amazing what I learned from them. They had already been going through the process for a while and could help me with what products worked for what allergy. I honestly am so blessed to have so many amazing women in my life who give me strength on the hard days.
I hope this helps someone.
Have a great day!
